If you're a pirate
I don't believe it
I don't believe that you are capable of such deeds

If you're a pirate
Let's see your wallet
And we will see if you are licensed for the seas

Are you capable of storming from the riggin's of a ship
Or wearing a black do-rag when it really ain't that hip
I don't think so
I don't think so at all

So where's your eye-patch
Where's your peg-leg
If you're a pirate
Where's your gun
Where's your booty
Your sassy parrot
I can't picture you with a bottle of cheap rum

'Cause you're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
You're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
'Cause you're a girl

Heave HO
Heave HO

So all you females
Just put your swords down
I'm not a fool
I'm not amused
You've got no hook-hand
No secret Island
And pirates never go to the bathroom in two's

So if this isn't some sort of cheap prank
Then tell me who exactly walks your plank
Not me, not me
No, nay, never, not me

So where's your eye-patch
Where's your peg-leg
If you're a pirate
Where's your gun
Where's your booty
Your sassy parrot
I can't picture you with a bottle of cheap rum

'Cause you're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
You're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
'Cause you're a girl

A pirate vessel
Is not a bedroom
No walk-in closet
There's no bidet

There's no pink loofah
Hanging in the shower
and pirates don't worry about what shoes they wear today

Because everybody knows pirates just wear black
They raise a flag of skull and bones when they attack
Not birds and flowers, not birds and flowers, no way!

So where's your eye-patch
Where's your peg-leg
If you're a pirate
Where's your gun
Where's your booty
Your sassy parrot
I can't picture you with a bottle of cheap rum

'Cause you're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
You're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
'Cause you're a girl

So where's your eye-patch
Where's your peg-leg
If you're a pirate
Where's your gun
Where's your booty
Your sassy parrot
I can't picture you with a bottle of cheap rum

'Cause you're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
You're the worst pirate
Worst pirate in the world
'Cause you're a girl