You are an utterly subhuman scatology study with all the wit of a crack-addled porpoise preparing to play a game of Boggle. You are a deficient wang wrangler with nothing on his mind other than a cancerous growth attempting to create functioning neurons, and being mistaken by your pedestrian gray matter as a hostile organism. Were you to reproduce, you would surely spawn a creature that can only be described as hideous and mongoloid–no doubt it would spend its time clubbing pigeons to death and drinking the blood of rats to sustain its unholy life. I sincerely hope that you melt into a roving puddle of bile and live out your days enveloping and slowly digesting discarded disposable diapers in a landfill somewhere in a highly radioactive area, such as Chernobyl.


---With thanks to John Scalzi