In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew school play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog., when my Mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and they served lunch i got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!

...but the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then I made a noise like this: HUAAAA-HUAAAA-HUAAAAAAAaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience! And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!!