Once a star athlete for The School Of Applied Knowledge, Dirk Smacker lost his scholarship after captaining the schools red rover squad to the regional championship in his sophomore season. He was already under investigation for stealing neocoms from dorms, bartering game-worn girdles for tattoos, testing positive for illegal boosters, blowing 0.28 BAC at a DUI gatecamp, and sleeping with the coach's quintuple of teenage daughters. However, when his name appeared on a Malkalen Truther site, the school had to let him go.

Since then, Dirk has become part-time mercenary, part-time pro athlete (led the Tama Gooseyball League in double-honkers two seasons running), and full time doer of Achuri Busty Sensations. He has a yoked physique and will not think any different of you for clicking "View Full Body" in this profile.